Who am I, to have a king die in my place

The last 24 hours before our long distance relationship ends. You would imagine that I would be ecstatic for this. It's actually a lot more bittersweet, than that. I'm actually pretty sad that all her friends will be missing her. I feel like I owe them all, they've looked out for my queen, when I couldn't. I'm happy, but in other ways, I don't know how to feel.